Just another day...

So I am at work again, just thought I would jot down a few things. Last night went to the gym only for a half hour. I was so exhausted but i made sure to sweat so it was better than nothing. I mentioned to my boss today that me working Sunday would make it that I have worked every single holiday off and I keep getting told that I will have the next one off. He asked what days I would like off for working the holiday. I was like hmmmm how about the days that I am suppose to be off like this weekend!!!!so frustrating. One day I will get what I was told I am.

I could just cry

I am sitting here at work and I am just having the worse day, week actually and it is only Tuesday.  I just found out I have to work on my weekend off without notice or choice, I am short staffed, I can feel my blood pressure rising. I also feel that my managers so dittaly squat. I have no clue what they do throughout the day because nothing seems to be getting done. I talk to my director and no seems to get it. I am so unhappy here and I graduated school and I make less than 40 a year. There are some guys who make more than I do and I am there boss. there is something wrong with that. I am also exhausted and have no life what so ever. I am here at work from 2 to 12 so i have to leave me house at 1200 to get here for 2 and I dont get home till 130am. Something has go to give and something has to change.

Gym Time Progress!!

So I have hit the gym two times now the first night i did the tred mill, eliptical and bike . The second night I went at 1:20 am and warmed up on the tredmill for 10 mins and then I went to the weights worked on my arms, and abs. After that for my cardio work out I went on this machine thingy lol i know its funny but its not the eliptical but the same concept just your legs move differently. Talk about a work out!!! I also found out my headphones are not conpatable with the tvs they have there, I got electrial shocked 3 times!! time for some new ones I guess. I am taking a break from the gym tonightm but will be back tomorrow after work around 130am again. cant weight to weigh my self next week and hopefully see some progress!!! Glad I have my sister Shanyn to help, even though she is on the other side of the country she is an insipration for me to get my butt in gear!!! Love you sis!!

Time to get my butt in gear.

So tomorrow is the day, I currently weigh 217lbs and I am ready to take the challenge to lose weight. I know this is not going to be easy. I am scared and I am hoping i can pull it off. My entire goal is to be 150lbs. But I know you are suppose to start with small goals. So my first goal is to be 200lbs. Tomorrow I am going to the gym and signing up and going grocery shopping and starting a new eating habit. uuughhhhh wish me luck.

Something is just not right.

So I woke up this morning, and have been having a hard time since then. I feel so off today, and I went through like 10 outfits today for work, not feeling comfortable on anything. I know I need to lose and i am hopefully signing up for the gym friday. But its not the weight, I have no clue what it is. Have you just ever woken up and felt off and not yourself and you just cant put your finger on it. I dont know what to do. I dont know if it is a positive or negative thing but it feels pretty negative because I feel like crap. I feel fine health wise, i just feel awful some  other way. I know I am probably not making any sense. But I guess that is what I have to say. Feels good to let this out. I think I really need to blog more, it has been awhile.

conflicted

I am so confused. When this wedding process started i was so excited to have my friends with me and share this experience with them. I figured they would be happy for me and supportive. But this is not the case. I have already lost two bridesmaids and loss them as friends. Now i feel like i am losing another. I have never felt so alone in m entire life. I try to talk to andrew about it, but he really dosnt understnad. My mom says they are stuck in high school mode. One friend, who is a bridesmaid never showed up to my shower and didnt come to my graduation party. and now she is upset because i couldnt come because my dog is going through some medical issues, and i had to make sure he is ok. I just dont know what to do. I really dont think i can go through another emotional rollercoaster of losing yet another friend. What do i do? i am completely lost and starting to think i am doing something wrong.

NEW LIFE

So i am officially done with school. I have graduation on Saturday.!!!! Living with andrew is great. We dont really see each other alot though because our schedules are opposite. I really want a date night soon. but we are broke with the wedding coming up. We got out wedding bands! we really now just have to make payments on everything. bllahhh i cant wait for this to be over. i am still having nightmares about the wedding. so i cant wait till the stress is over. So now i am starting to look for a new job. something full time and something that can hold me over until i can find something that goes with my degree. i am so exhausted though i cant wait to figure everything out.