Going back to work has been on of the most difficult things I have ever done. I have so many fear and concerns when it comes to me not being the one to take care of Olivia during the day. What if I cannot provide for her and Andrew? What if she doesnt want me around now or when she is older? What am I going to mis out on? I love Olivia with all my heart and it saddens me to think that I am not going to be the mom I thought I would be or that Olivia deserves. People tell me all the time that if mommy is happy then baby is happy. Well i am not happy. I drive so far away for work and work such long hours I am never home. I am already on medication for depression and all it does is makes me sleepy. I still cry everyday when I am not with her. I wish things would be different and I could be the one that could stay home with her. My baby is growing up so fast i dont want to miss anything.
I do not want to be the mom that is never around of when she is home she is sleeping. I want to be the mom that is always there for her no matter what. I have started to apply to other jobs and nothing has come of it yet. But I am determined to change my life and be there for my daughter. She is my top priority no matter what. She is my heart and soul and my entire world.
